Friday, July 22, 2011

I want more....

I am sitting in my house and it is all quite except for my sons TV in his playroom, sounding off the educating Umi Zumi! 

I am not sure how to lead up to it so I am just going to spit it out....I am bored.  Not just at this moment but in general...with my life.  I am tired of just existing...I want to do more, be more, live more.  I want to be able to go into my 10 year high school reunion coming up and when someone asks me, "hey so what do you do for a living, what have you been up to?"  I want to be able to give them my answer and it mean something.  Now please don't get me wrong, I love love love my son and am grateful to have a job to go to each and everyday...but I just feel like I am existing, going through the motions, day in and day out and not truly living.

I heard a man the other day say "If you want more out of life you have to live more"....It struck me to the core.  He is can't expect to get more out of life if you don't actually get out there in it and live it to the fullest.  I feel like I have been incomplete so to speak....I know I need to put God more in my life.  That is just a super given and I know part of doing that is to surround myself with people who want the same thing.  I desperately am in need of a good support system to keep pushing me along Gods path. 

I trust that God has a reason for the path in which my life has gone down but I think I have been waiting for God to just plop in my lap what it is exactly that I need to do.  Goes to show I am  a lot more lazy than I thought.  It is not up to God to just lay it out for me on a silver platter and I know if I ask then I need to open my eyes and heart so I can actually hear him. I am just at my breaking point.  I did not come this far in my life to just have gotten by ...instead of soaring by experiencing new heights.

I am ready for a change....a good change....a change for the better. 

Monday, March 28, 2011

Why do Mondays get a bad rap?

So, my monday morning didn't quite start off the way I would have liked it to. I won't go into major details to protect the "innocent"...yah, right, innocent.  However, I was woken up at 5:30 am (and not in the happiest of ways) and didn't go back to sleep until about 5 mins before I really had to get up.

So needless to say my Monday didn't get off to a chipper start. With everything that happened this weekend and how pooped I early morning wake up call was the cherry on top of my road to insanity cake. I just feel bad for my co-workers. Well, actually now that I think about it I shouldn't feel bad for them because I barely talked to anyone all morning because I knew I would snap if i did, :) So they probably had a great morning.

It got me to thinking though how even the littlest of things can cause an extremely exhausted person to snap, crackle and undoubtley POP! I think I would rather stay up all night than have broken sleep. And then when I did finally get a full night of sleep I was even more tired the next day. I guess that is because my body was getting so used to the broken sleep that it didn't know what to do with a full nights sleep.

Braxton, however, the past two nights has done awwwwesome when it was time to go to sleep. The night before and tonight, I would look at Braxton and say "It is time to go night night bubba" and he would follow me into the living room, go give Jason a kiss then proceed into his room and stand at his crib with his hands up. I will have to say that my jaw hit the floor. And to put the cherry on top of this sweet cake, Braxton will lay his head down on the pillow and wait for me to pull up the covers and tuck him in. I sigh right now because my baby boy is growing into a little man. Is it bad that I want to go and get him to cuddle with him tonight? Nope, I think not.
Well it is off to bed I go. I hope everyone has a great night and I willn see you in a blog or two!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Weekend Round Up

What a crazy crazy weekend!

We had two birthday parties to go to and I am flat worn out!

It probably wouldn't have been so bad if Braxton hadn't of woken up at 2 and 3 am all week long and if I hadn't realized Saturday morning that I forgot to pay the car insurance...sheesh.

But....(back to the birthday parties)...who would have thought, just a few years ago, that a bunch of young couples with only a hand ful of children all together would end up (5 years later) with more children than we can keep up with. It was funny, at our one friends sons birthday party who has 3 levels to their home, someone joked saying that there are so many kids there than on each level of the house you could turn to a parent and say "Hey, my kid is down here can you keep an eye out" and have that same parent turn right around and say the same exact thing.

The other birthday party was at Monkey Joes and since Jason refuses to get on the bouncie toys, it is all me. And WOW....Who came up with the steps on the bouncie houses? You go to step on them and they fold in, thus causing me to fall on my butt with Braxton in tow...:( I laugh because when we would finally get to the top and I would slide Braxton down on his own...he is so lite that he would flip and smack face first into the barrier at the bottom...he loved it though

I wouldn't change any of it though.

Even though Saturday didn't turn out the exact way I wanted it..Sunday sure was amazing!  It started off in church were my dear friend Keke performed the sermon! are AWESOME and I am so proud of you! His sermon made me think of all the distractions in my life that don't allow me to see or hear what God is trying to tell me. How we turn items such as phones, magazines and music into "evil" distractions. The items themselves are not evil....we make them that way. He also said that it is time to pay it more talking about it or thinking about...time to "do about it"  So many people out in the world need us, even if we are struggling ourselves, they still may need us. Sometimes it is necessary to put your struggles aside long enough to help someone else who may be struggling with the same thing....and who knows, us helping that person may be what helps us!  The world is in desperate need of saving but it won't get done until we step and get to saving! And who better than Gods children!

It is very hard to Let go and Let God...but you have to try....try!

I hope everyone has a great week! And I will see you in a blog or two...:)

Friday, March 18, 2011

What a day to travel to heaven

I am sitting here on my lunch break, realizing that in one hour 3 people are going to be laid to rest. No death is easy to bear, no death is any less heartbreaking than another. However, today ...well the funeral today gets to me more than I anticpated, more than any other I have encountered before.

Thinking about those children dressed in their very best along side their mother as friends and family walk by to say one last goodbye. Even though we all know that they have already gone...taken their place in heaven along side her husband and their father. Oh the tears that are being shed today and oh the strength that I pray the family will be able to find to get through today, ECSPECIALLY today.

I did want to, in tribute to Amanda, Cameron and Sarah tell a few of my Braxton moments. I want to share these to re iterate how important it is to hug and kiss those children every chance you get and to show your friends and family how much they mean to matter how distant you may or may not be.

Braxton is a ham..and he knows it. The boy loves to run around naked. I can say "you wanna run around naked?" when he is having a bad day and all of a sudden his face will light up and his hands will shoot up because he knows that is what he has to do in order for me to take his shirt off.
*A few days ago we jokingly handed braxton his diaper and said "go throw it in the trash" and low and behold, that boy goes into the kitchen, opens the cabinet door, pulls the trash can out and throws the diaper away. I know it may not seem like a "wow" moment but it was...the boy is barely 2 years old.
*About a week ago Braxton wants to watch a movie so he goes into his play room, presses the button to open the dvd player, takes the dvd out by sticking his finger through the middle so as to not smudge it, hands it to me then grabs the new dvd to put in. However, before he does he flips the dvd over, blows on it (like you would blow on your sunglasses to clean them), then proceeds to wipe it down using his t-shirt! I was sitting there with my mouth on the floor. We had never actually taught him this...just something he learned by watching me.
*For the longest time Braxton has called our female jack russell "bedah." Now the only reason why I can think of as to why he would call her that instead of Roxie is because jason is very "free" with his words at times and would call for roxie by saying "bia**"...sigh. However, just the other day out of the blue, Braxton looks up and yells "Ro-tea." Close enough baby, close enough.
*Probably one of my favorite moments is when I come home everyday to hear Braxton run to me with out stretched arms yelling "momma" topped off with a kiss. I love it! Makes my day no matter what...

On and end note....No matter what a life is a life and is worth a 2nd look. Please don't give up on those around you and always find time to encourage and support. Give your children one extra kiss tonight....because they can never get enough love!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Clouds blocked the sun over the Peake Household

Tragedy today. Lives lost today. Souls gone...but not forgotten.

I woke up today to see Facebook lighting up with comments of how sad people were, how shocked people were, how today was such a sad day for the Pelion/Lexington community. I had no idea what was going on. However, the more I began to research the less I wanted to know.  Reading about how a girl you went to school with at one point or time in your life and her two young children were killed, for no reason, no reason at all....well why would I want to know more. Why would I want to hear about how this object which called himself  "a man" gunned down a single mother of 27, her 9 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter. Why would I want to read about how he must have been depressed, like any excuse could justify this "mans" actions. Why would I want to learn that this 9 yr old boy knew what was coming as he (from what authorities think) listened to both his mother and sister be shot in their beds....this boy who tried to defend himself from this "man"
I sit here and cry because I couldnt imagine Braxton, my beautiful little boy, fight to defend himself at 9 yrs old with me already gone, not able to help him. There are no words...I am unable to fathom. I pray that the father of those to precious children were there to great them with open arms and he has been waiting for them for years. I pray that the mother felt no pain and was able to find her love in heaven. The only slight comfort I get from this entire story is the hope and belief that they all found each other in heaven and are at peace.
I sit here and wonder if what I heard was true about this "man?" If he really has a daughter he so cowardly left behind. I pray that she is able to survive through this all. Whether she is young and unable to recognize what is going on or whether she is older and may have to battle through many years of criticism from other people who have nothing but hatred towards her father.
God tells me, tells us rather, to love one another and to cling to what is good and shy away from what is not. God tells us to love those who wouldn't love us becuase that is what he would do. No matter what we have done or are doing, he still loves us. But do you love a "man" who gathered so much hatred in his heart and soul that he would feel compelled to pull the trigger of a gun on 3 innocent souls...2 of which probably had NOTHING to do with his feelings of hatred and dispair. How!!!! God help me but I don't know how I can possibly find forgivness for a "man" who can do such things. I don't know whether or not I am just as hateful for finding some comfort in knowing that he, more than likely, is spending the rest of eternity in a HELL like no other. It almost scares me how much that thought brings me to some sort of small peace.
I praise the effort of the friend who tried to help prevent this tragedy from happening. So many others would never have even picked up the phone to call 911 let alone follow this "man" to find out where he was going. Please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Events such as what happened to Amanda make us stop, even if just for a moment, to count our blessings, to hug and kiss our children and be grateful for the family we have around us that love and support us. But be a few weeks, maybe even a few days, you will forget how much of a blessing you have (in one shape or form) and when you do....STOP and count your blessings again. Because if we can learn anything from today is that people of the world operate under their own free will and sometimes that free will chooses the path of HATE. And when HATE arises and tragedy occurs...STOP and count your blessings. You have at least one...find it and  hang on to it.

Be a peace with each other. Life is too short....

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My first Blog

So, I am a newbie to the entire blog scene.

I have seen a couple of my friends start up blogs that are either out of the country or just finding a different way to keep everyone up to speed with their own lives and figured...."hey, why not"

So here I am starting my very first blog. And honestly the first thing that comes to mind is the time change...with a 2 year old boy. Nope...he doesn't care that the time has changed and wants to stay up that extra hour at night and sleep in that extra hour in the morning. Now the extra hour in the morning wouldn't be so bad if it didn't completely throw him off for the rest of the day. Yuck, it is going to take a couple of weeks for the old routine to get back into place. But hey who am I kidding...routine...pfffft. I don't care what anyone says, you may have a basic routine that you would like for your children and yourself to be in by life usually always has different plans for the "routine."

It kind of stinks though because I love to cuddle with my little man. He will climb up on the couch and cuddle in with me under the blanket and I know that every now and then it is not a bad habit to create, however, I want to do this all the time. Grrr, it is not fair. Something so cute and I have to say good night to him and put him to bed...pooey! Though, in the end I know that I will come to appreciate my will power a few years down the road when he looks at the clock (after he has eaten and had a bath) and knows that it is PJ time accompanied by a book or two, a good night kiss and off to never never land. Lol, we will see.

On an end note....I will say that life is to short not to enjoy the little moments. So maybe I will say the heck with my will power and cuddle with my little man....EVERY NIGHT. ;)